I’ve been slack at writing. There’s so much to write about – lots rattling around in my
brain, but its winter time in the Southern Hemisphere and I’ve been
hibernating.
I’ve been spending time with my growing bump, enjoying
every kick that makes me know that the kid is there, rolling around getting
comfy.
The new kiddo is tracking along well – measuring ahead
at the last scan. The new kid will
be a little brother for Amelia.
I
love knowing he’s a he. Connecting
and bonding with my new little boy.
It still seems surreal that I might have a baby to care for outside of
my tummy at the end of this pregnancy, forever hopeful but just unable to grasp
the reality as strongly as I had already done with Amelia. I’ve started the task for packing away all the girly
pinks, peaches and purples and have started filling the draws with blues and greens – nothing new so far, I haven’t been brave enough to purchase, but a
lot of hand-me-downs from his cousin Luke.
I’ve also had some aargh moments lately – getting
frustrated still by happy people who are in their first pregnancy and just a
bit frustrated I can’t just be like that too! I get jealous of the people who already have babies and as
Amelia’s first birthday approaches I think of other parents planning their babies’
first birthday celebrations. I can’t
imagine ever wanting to go to the parties and it makes be nervous that I’m
going to be a bad mum to this new kid.
Will my unwillingness to go to these celebrations mean he misses
out? Will my own inadequacies, my
own sadness at what his sister has missed or what I have missed out on with his
sister, my own intolerances, my own fear – mean that he won’t have a normal
childhood but instead one with an overprotective mother who can’t let him join
his peers? I hope not. I hope once he is born my outlooks, my
mindset will change. I seem to do
a lot of hoping lately!
good to see an update from you, and so happy your little boy is growing and growing!
ReplyDeleteA little brother for Amelia! I'm glad you were able to find out the gender, I really think it helps when there are as few surprises as possible and it helps to plan for this new little person. It was really rough for me to pack away the pink, I hope it was gentler on you. Nothing is easy, but it's helpful to take those steps to prepare.
ReplyDeleteA brother for Amelia. :)
ReplyDeleteI'm still jealous and we've had B in our home for nearly 5 months. I still have a hard time with birthday parties. I just attended my first "1 year old" b-day party the other day and it was definitely a somber experience, but only easier because I hope B will celebrate his first birthday in the winter and I know we'll have many more for him, hopefully.
I want Andrew and Amelia and all of our children to have birthdays where they're here and smashing cake everywhere. This just isn't how it should be.
So thankful for their brothers, but my goodness. Still so sad this is how things are.
Yay for the all the little boy kicks! I also have a hard time with other people's pregnancies and babies out in the world. I've been mostly absent from the lives of my new nieces and while it is weird, I feel okay about it. It is just where I am.
ReplyDeleteI'm all filled with hope right along with you!
Oh so happy to hear the news on a little brother foe Amelia. How are you feeling about the gender difference? I love having my son. He is the light of my life but I know we canall gave strong feelings regarding gender after one of our childrengas died. Glad things are going well fir you. Hugs
ReplyDeleteIt was such a conflict for me before we found out. Would it be easier to have a boy to create the separation between this baby and their sister? I know I would love to have another girl and to be honest, I did shed a few tears when we found out - but more the idea of finally having to pack away all of Amelia's clothes, a final act of acceptance that she is gone and will never come back.
DeleteI know, now, that either way - if this baby had of been a girl or boy - that I would have bonded and connected with them in a separate an unique way to Amelia - that each child is different. Nothing will be what Amelia was, the first child I carried, my first encounter with the miracle of life and love, as nothing will be what this little boy is to me.