So in a bid to try and feel normal I’ve signed up to
attend Antenatal Classes again.
The idea being that once my baby is born it will be nice to be part of a
group of mothers who are parenting newborn babies at the same time as me.
It feels a bit strange going to these classes again as feel like we are cheating. We
know all the answers to the questions, we’ve already been through full term pregnancy,
labour and birth. To be
amongst a room of first time mothers who think they know all the answers is strange
when we actually do.
I have told the lady taking the classes of our
situation but haven’t told the other parents-to-be. We’ve only been to one class and missed the second one. I don’t know if it is fair to tell the
other parents and present them with my burden before their births. However I sense most will be how I was with my pregnancy with Amelia and mentally think to themselves "that won't happen to me". It will definitely be something I tell
them should we get to proceed to a normal coffee group post delivery of my boy,
but should I tell them now if it comes up in conversation at the classes?
Any how, this original post started out about “a
trigger”. In the first antenatal class
we watched the video of a water birth.
I watched the video without flinching, yip, labour and birth, been there
done that. And then the
trigger. The baby came out alive
and crying and was handed to the mum.
Queue me leaving the room in a rush to get to the bathroom to have a wee
cry. Damn, I just didn’t even think how I would handle that. I managed to compose myself to rejoin the class but I left Jared in the room fretting how he would diplomatically get out of the room if I wasn't able to come back in!
That really did heighten for me how much I really can’t wait for
the moment I will be handed my crying, breathing baby and can’t even imagine how AMAZING that will be.
This is really brave of you. I had nothing to do with other pregnant women while I was pregnant with Ginny. And I too used to tear up at the suggestion that she might come out pink and healthy and crying. It felt like such a far off dream...hang in there <3
ReplyDeleteOh Di. I did exactly the same, went to antenatal classes and felt like a bit of a fraud (although obviously my girls were not born at full time) very, very strange to be back on the unit where the girls were born, listening to all the little hopes and fears of the first time mothers. We also chose not to tell anybody about Georgina and we had to invent some rather vague birth story for Jessica.
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry about the video, I also had a couple of wee cries during my antenatal classes. And I can't wait for you. It is an amazing feeling and I'm just hoping and waiting and trusting for that healthy, crying baby to be held in your arms x
I agree with SG that it is brave of you to put yourself out there and go to classes. I think I would tell people if it came up in class (and felt right to you at the time) that you have a daughter who died, but not necessarily details unless they ask more. I would just have a hard time sitting with first time pregos and not acknowledge that I have been through pregnancy and birth before. Good luck!
ReplyDelete