The waiting is so hard. Wishing time to go fast but not wanting to will away my life
or the moments of this pregnancy.
I am not even out of the first trimester, it seems to be taking so
long. I’m trying to set myself
mini-milestones but work is so quite at the moment so the days pass by so
slowly.
This week at work has been quite ironic. I work in retail and we’ve just
launched a new brand in our stores of gorgeous infants’ wear. I spent my day putting together
marketing material for the launch, which meant looking at lots of photos of
beautiful babies and reading about sweet little clothes. It’s not hard, I love babies, I so
desperately hope to have one, and I so want this little one thats growing to be THE ONE.
I am still nervous, every ache or pain or twinge makes
me immediately think its all gone wrong and the baby’s not alive anymore. And this is why I just want time to
pass a little quicker so I can be in the second trimester and feel a little more secure, so I can get to the weeks when I can feel those jabs and kicks and movements, so I can be a little closer to holding a warm,
breathing, blinking baby in my arms.
I’m already counting down
and know that’s not good this early in the piece.
Good luck! I'm also working on focusing on the little milestones...the first ultrasound, hearing the heartbeat with the doppler at the midwife, the high risk perinatal consult, sharing the news with family...I think it is helping a little as the weeks crawl by...
ReplyDeleteHah. I laughed at the end there because I already had my due date tracked before I was even pregnant based on ovulation each time I ttc after losing Andrew. We had a group of us BLMs that would email one another and hypothetically insert when we'd be giving birth to babies that weren't even conceived. So the countdown game? Yeah... I understand.
ReplyDeleteAs for how to calm down about the whole thing? I still don't know. We planned lots of weekend getaways and fixed up our house a lot. Somehow breaking things and repairing them helps with the grief aggression as well. And when a baby finally does inhabit your home, you'll be happy you did it beforehand while they were gestating. Only safe things, of course.
I know what you mean about the tracking! I had a spreadsheets with expected due dates based on conception! I've been counting down since before I got pregnant again!!
DeleteThanks for the advice, we have decided to try and book up the weekends with trips away. I think that will help :)