Shock… in a good way for once

After finding out last Monday at my Obstetrician’s office that he suspected (and was pretty sure of) a missed miscarriage, I’d spent the rest of the week angry that I still felt nauseous and sick even though I was no longer pregnant.  I thought it a cruel joke.

On Friday I had the formal scan to confirm the miscarriage.  I went into that waiting room knowing the outcome I expected.  I watched happy people come out of rooms with smiles having just seen their babies flipping on the screen… and I was ok.  I had emotionally disconnected.  In no way did expect what happened next.

A flicking flash of light rapidly pulsing on the screen, a heartbeat, a baby.  Holy shit!

It turns out I am earlier than expected based on LMP but they match perfectly to my ovulation dates (I’d been BBT charting).  It’s still very early days (7 weeks) and I would not normally “out” myself this soon, you know, wait for that magic (or not so magic as we all know) 12 week safe marker.

But the support I received to my post when I sincerely believed I had miscarried was amazing.  I was broken on Tuesday, but the support you all gave me helped me pull myself together and remember I am not alone.  THANK YOU ALL SO MUCH!!

This week has really tested my limits of extremes and now I just don’t want to get my hopes up too high.  I’m too full of fear and anxious to get too excited again.  I’m just going to try and take one day at a time.